Monday, June 16, 2014

--> My Questions on The Feeling of Giving Up

as-salam
This photo is to cheer me up :)

To give up is the last thing that I would do. I never gave up in anything until recently. I gave up the friendship that I have been holding for too long. It was not worth it to stick to it despite knowing that a simple explanation could do a big difference to it. See? I have given up. 

What do you feel when someone ignores you when all you need from that person is just a simple pep talk? Or a simple conversation because you were bored doing nothing for five hours? 

What if one day, a friend of yours starts to pick the people that s/he wants to talk to and you're not chosen? 

Can you imagine the feeling of being avoided because someone has the idea that you're a bad influence without even trying to get to know you? Or never even wanted to listen to you?

Would you be able to cope with the fact that after so many helps you have done when your friends were in need, and when it was your turn, they turned you down? 

How would you react to friends who throw shitty excuses just so that they don't have to talk to you? 

These are the questions that I have been asking myself. Sometimes, it makes me wonder of where do I stand in that particular circle of friendship. Am I a slave to you? An information centre when you need to ask for help? I couldn't find the answer. I have been keeping the ball rolling for too long, hoping that one day, you'll treat me equally the way you treat the rest of your friends but what was I waiting for actually? The blissful rain that will never pour down? Perhaps, it was just a wishful thinking I had up on my sleeve.

Yesterday, I prayed to God to always remind me that His plans are better than my dreams. Exteriorly, I am still holding onto that but deep down inside, I don't have any more hope. 'Sorry' is the most frequent word that all of us use just to get everything back to its place and sometimes we win but sometimes we learn. We learn to appreciate the friendship that is walking away from us but there is nothing that we can do to stop it or don't we try hard enough? This is the story of my life, I personally think that I have done good enough on my part to keep that friendship still and the problem now lies on you. This time around, I am positive that I am making the right decision, I am no more indecisive. My decision is final but God knows what tomorrow will bring and when that happens, I will accept anything that He gives me with an open heart. However for now, I give up. No. I've had enough!
Hope you get it...till then, that is how

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